Down to 7 days...

Thanks to an incredibly hectic morning and a suddenly slow lunch hour I've discovered a whole new batch of pet peeves that are driving me crazy.  Thankfully the theraputic act of typing them out has kept me calm and collected in the workplace.

Tax Season Pet Peeves Part 2:

• People who put things next to my In-box instead of inside the box.  Is it really that hard?  Do you think I’ll address it sooner because it stands out?
• Thanks to speaking with a client named Alvira I now can’t get the song “Elvira” out of my head.  Giddy up pa oompa pa pa oompa pa pa maow maow…
• Being asked to print up a new batch of mailing labels but not being provided the address.
• Dealing with the coworker who is on her sixth month of being angry we moved one of the community printers into her office due to lack of space.  She ignores the fact that she only works one day a week (and spends half that time either in the hallway on her cell phone or sitting in someone else’s office chatting) and she passive-aggressively keeps the door to her office shut whenever she knows someone needs to use that printer.  The irony is that she calls herself a “peace advocate”.
• Clients who walk in unannounced and expect their accountant to be available for an hour-long meeting.  Sorry, your brilliant strategy of waiting until the last week to see your accountant is the exact same strategy used by 25% of our clientele.
• Recently discovering that when certain people ask me to “overnight” something they really mean they would like me to send a package via FedEx, much like asking for a Kleenex when any facial tissue will do.  Here’s a conversation I had last night (after being handed a package at 5:00 pm with a note that said “Please overnight to _____ _____”).  Me (suspicious): “You say this needs to be sent overnight?”  Him:  “Well, I told him he’d have it by tomorrow morning.”  Me: “Tomorrow morning?  It’s already 5:00 so we’ll have to take it to a FedEx drop-off point.  I’ll do a search to see where the nearest one is.”  Him: “Well, you don’t have to do it tonight.  You can wait until tomorrow.”  My inner voice:  “WTF????  Please shoot me now.”  Me:  “If he needs it tomorrow morning I’ll have to ship it tonight.”  Him:  “Oh, I mean you can send it tomorrow.  He doesn’t need it right away.”  Me:  “Hm, then you don’t need it sent overnight?”  Him:  “Oh!  Are there other options?”  You can guess how the rest of this conversation went.  It boiled down to the decision that I would send it out today at a more reasonably priced ground rate and he would call his client to let him know the package was on its way.  Another time a woman handed me her fourth package in four days to be “overnighted”.  This made me very suspicious so I asked her if she wanted it sent Next Day Air or 2-Day Air.  She said, “Next Day, if it’s the cheapest.”  This is where I taught her the lesson that faster means more expensive.  She blanched when I told her the previous package I sent out for her cost $87 to overnight it when it could have cost $10.     
• The same woman paperclipping an envelope to a 1-page letter she wanted me to send out because she was afraid I would use one of the giant Priority Mail envelopes.  She wanted me to know that when possible I can use smaller, cheaper forms of postage.  I want her to know that she needs to stay the hell away from me.
• The skeevy elderly client who gets a little too touchy feely.  When he comes in I have to alert my boss so she can shut her door.  He once went into her office and laughingly refused to let her out until she gave him a hug.  I make sure there’s always a wall between Skeevy McSkeeverson and myself.
• The clients who get mad when they discover they have to send in their own tax forms to the government.  Some will go so far as to sign them and bring them back to the office to try to get us to send them out for them.  Was that $2 of gas you spent to drive here and back worth the 42 cents you saved? 
• Just realizing I left my iPhone at home so I won’t be able to listen to music when I assemble tax returns this afternoon.  This suuuuucks.
• No matter how hard I’ve been running the printers and the scanner nothing will break down, which means I have no excuse to call in Andrew, the cute repair guy with the alluring Scandinavian accent.  He’s so good looking even my boss’s husband refers to him as “the cute repair guy”.

And now, to counter all the negativity I’ve just spewed, here are a few nice things that help make the days better:

• My mom sent me some Easter candy to help get through this next week.  I love you!  Next time send Cadbury Eggs!
• The high number of good hair days I’ve been having.  This is unusual for me but I’ll take it. 
• Having the surprise free time at lunch to write this post.
• Remembering to bring Diet Pepsi to work today.  Since I don’t drink coffee this is my best source of caffeine at I time when I need a lot of it.  I even love the moment when I’m getting tired in the afternoon and I suddenly realize I have an ice cold Diet Pepsi waiting for me.  Ahhh…
• Being able to wear my headphones when assembling tax returns (on the days I don’t forget them).  This is a HUGE help.  When forced to peel apart a W2 covered in some funky gunk it helps to have Goldfrapp sing me through it.
• Best of all: knowing that one week from tomorrow I’ll be in a coma on my living room couch with a cat asleep on my legs and the phone unplugged.  Suckas!